Chuck vs a Series of Mostly Mundane Matters
by Captain Crunk
Summary: A collection of light-hearted one-shots related in little more than continuity, taking place in random spots during the series. It's got Bartowskis! And Charah! And spies! And Lester! But not too much Lester.
1. Chuck vs  a Blah Breakfast

Disclaimer: I own a lot of things, but Chuck isn't one of them. Thankfully. I'd butcher the poor show.

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><p>Ellie always nagged Chuck about starting his morning off right. Well, to be fair, she nagged Chuck about a lot of things (as big sisters tend to do), but a healthy breakfast was one of those things that she really harped on.<p>

But Chuck wasn't an eggs and meat and fruits kinda guy before noon. He wasn't much of an "I enjoy life" guy before noon at all. By now, though, he knew that going into Buy More on an empty stomach made for a cranky Nerd Herder.

So here he was, staring into a bowl of Captain Crunch. It was getting soggy, and nobody really liked soggy Captain Crunch, but Chuck was lost in thought. His life felt like a whole tub full of soggy Captain Crunch right now- full of promise, but crumbling into something impossible to salvage. It may not be the perfect simile, but the point is, it was all going to waste. Tomorrow was his birthday, and in a few years he'd be thirty, and everything was just a wreck. An awful job, a nonexistent love life, a crashed external hard drive, and to top it all off, the red rings of death were back on Morgan's Xbox 360, so he was suddenly around the house all the time.

There was only so much Morgan an individual could withstand before their brain imploded.

Chuck was snapped out of his internal pity party by the sound of Devon walking into the kitchen, scrubbed up and looking fresh as ever. How did some people look so good in the morning? It was one of the great mysteries of life to Chuck, right between "why Firefly was ever canceled" and "women, just, in general".

"Morning Chuck," the captain said, smelling like Irish Spring soap, aftershave, and awesome.

Chuck winced as Devon clapped him on the shoulder and gave an up-nod with a meek "Hey."

Devon grabbed himself a few granola bars and sat down next to Chuck, checking out the box on the counter. "Captain Crunch? Awesome." One.

"Yeah, just, don't tell Ellie," Chuck said sheepishly, with a keen awareness that this wasn't exactly her idea of a balanced breakfast. She was working either a really late shift or a really early one, depending on how you looked at it, but wasn't home either way.

"My lips are sealed. I have the utmost respect for my fellow captain," Devon replied, mock saluting the box. "You seem down, Chuck, what's the problem?"

"Oh, it's nothing."

Devon gave his answer a dismissive wave. "Nah, come on, bro, I've got time before work. Talk to Doctor Devon."

Chuck sighed, stirring his Captain Crunch idly with his spoon. "I dunno. It's stupid. I just, I feel like a mess. I hate my job, I haven't had a girlfriend since Jill, and my hard drive crashed and it just feels like so much at once, you know?"

Devon nodded sagely. "It's alright to feel like that, Chuck. I mean, sometimes, a lot of stuff goes wrong at once, you know? And, really, everybody hates their job at least a little bit."

"You don't," countered Chuck, before trying to choke down a spoonful of soggy cereal.

Devon nodded in agreement, his mouth full of granola bar, saying, "Well, yeah, my job is pretty awesome. But, like other people. And dude, you can't sweat the girl thing." Two.

"I know," Chuck said with a sigh, back to stirring his inedible mess of a breakfast. "It's just, I haven't even met any girls that have really, I dunno, made me want to try."

Devon nodded again. "You'll meet a girl. You'll be fine." He placed his hand firmly on Chuck's shoulder before locking eyes with him. "Do you wanna know something? The day I met Ellie wasn't that special to start out with. I didn't think it was gonna be an awesome day, but then that angel walked into my life and it became the most awesome day I've ever had." Three and four.

"And hey, some girl might be just around the corner for you. Maybe you'll find someone you like at your birthday party tomorrow, or maybe some hot customer will pop into the Buy More the day after that, you just don't know! That's why life is awesome!" Five.

Chuck, well, chuckled at that. Devon may have been comically optimistic and generally larger than life most of the time, but sometimes, having him around was pretty… terrific.

"Think about what I said, alright Chuck? Some awesome girl is out there for you. You just haven't met her yet. Anyway, I've gotta go remove an appendix. Or a gallbladder. I should probably find that out before I start," he trailed off, before laughing. "Anyway, I'll see you later." Six.

"See ya, captain," Chuck said, resolving to dump his cereal and grab a granola bar himself. Just as Devon was walking out the door and Chuck was standing over the sink, he said, "Hey, captain- thanks."

Devon flashed him a huge smile and said, "Anytime, bro." And he was off to save someone's life. Or something like that.

Six "awesomes" for breakfast. Just your average morning with the captain.

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><p>Not much Charah here, which, if anything, is what the story revolves around, most of the time. Buuut I'll be making up for that soon enough; Sarah vs. HnyBdgr461 is on the way.<p>

As always, review, if it pleases ya.


	2. Sarah vs HnyBdgr461

Disclaimer: I've done a few things today, like wake up, and eat. I have not, however, managed to acquire Chuck, so I still do not own the rights to it.

Morgan and Sarah friendship, followed up by some fun Charah stuff. And some Lester, somewhere. Hope you enjoy.

Deep down, Morgan Grimes enjoyed his job. Sure, it didn't pay well. And yes, there were no benefits. And, alright, it was a pretty long bike ride. And, sure, the uniform polos clashed with his eyes. And then there were the long hours and annoying customers and… well, anyway, he still liked his job, because it enabled him to do what he did best— the one thing in life he really excelled at.

And no, it wasn't selling stuff. It was avoiding work. Morgan loved Buy More because he fully got to utilize his "doing nothing" skills to their extent.

This morning, he had spent two hours putzing around in the appliances section before moving his way over to the big screen tvs where he proceeded to watch a high definition documentary on the tenacious honey badger. After that was done, he took a coffee break before proceeding to compliment Big Mike's tie (the closest thing to work he'd do all day) and product testing some really, really comfortable computer chairs. Normally, he'd spend time talking to Chuck, but his best friend was away for the weekend, gone with his _SEX GODDESS_ of a sister to a family thing.

On the bright side, John Casey was gone too, so he didn't have to worry about accidentally wandering into the grill section and receiving a massive glare. Which was nice.

He was hanging out at the Nerd Herd station, accidentally drawn into a conversation with Jeff and Lester, when she walked in: Chuck's girlfriend. The three nerds were completely entranced from the moment she walked into the store. Jeff's mouth hung open and his eyes glazed over while Lester tried smoothing his tie and fixing his hair. She was heading towards them and Morgan felt like that guy in Jaws, except here, Jaws was a really, really hot woman and not a shark. So it wasn't much like that at all, except for the bubbly nervousness in Morgan's stomach.

Again, not a perfect simile. I'll work on that.

She reached the desk and flashed Morgan a bright smile. Lester looked like he was going to pass out a little as she said "Hey guys."

A soft moan escaped Jeff's mouth while Morgan kept his composure and returned her greeting. "Hey Sarah Chuck isn't here and neither is Casey I'm sorry."

Sarah gave him an odd look as she tried processing a statement seemingly devoid of pauses or punctuation. Her brain caught up with it after a bit and she responded, "Oh, I know. I actually came here to ask you for some help."

Morgan's eyes got big and he pointed to himself, lost for words. "Oh, uhh, me? My help? I can help? I can help, what do you need help with?"

Sarah smiled at him again and his heart palpitated. Just a little. "How about we talk about it at Chuck's place. It's kinda embarrassing. Could you not tell Chuck, for me?"

Morgan nodded slowly, eyes stuck on her smile. Which was a few miles due north of the point Lester was fixated on. "Sure thing. Is it a surprise for Chuck? I'll do anything for my buddy Chuck."

"Sort of," she said with a smile. "Meet me at his house around eightish?"

Morgan smiled. "Okay, sure, see you then." And with that, she walked away. Morgan could swear he heard Lester softly mumble "I love you" to her retreating form.

Morgan slowly turned around and all he could say was, "Wow."

Jeff nodded in agreement, echoing the statement. However, Lester regained his composure and tried to pretend he wasn't as impressed. "C'mon, guys, it's only a girl. It's not like she's perfect in every imaginable way."

"Dude, she's, like, movie star pretty," responded Morgan.

Lester shook his head. "Not movie star. Maybe, maybe tv star. But just for some ABC sitcom, or something."

"I dunno," began Morgan, "I'd give her at least an hour-long show. On NBC."

Jeff chimed in with another, "Wow."

"Snap out of it, man," said Lester, slapping his shoulder. "Get her chest out of your head."

Jeff shook his head no. "I'd like to get my head in her chest. Or, near her chest. Something with her chest, at least."

Morgan agreed with Lester on this one. "Come on Jeff, do you really have to think with your pants all the time?"

Jeff stared deep into Morgan's eyes before saying, "She makes the brain in my junk melt."

"Well there's an image," said Lester, with a gag.

At 8:01 (Morgan didn't wanna look, like, desperate to see her) Morgan climbed in the Morgan-door and found Sarah sitting on Chuck's bed, reading a book.

"Uhh, hi," said Morgan, somewhat confused as to how Sarah got in but mostly just in awe.

She smiled at him and his knees sorta did this not working thing for a second. He took a deep breath and his brain finally realized she had said hi and was awkwardly staring at him. "So, thank you for coming to help me. I needed someone of your expertise."

Morgan puffed out his chest and smiled. "So what is it you need me to do? Help you proofread Star Trek fanfiction? Open a jar? Beat someone up? Because I'm kinda iffy with those last two."

Sarah laughed and shook her head. Morgan took this pause as an opportunity to wonder, really, though, how Chuck managed to exist in her presence without melting into a puddle of Chuck and getting Nerd Herder all over the floor. "No, actually. It's about a video game actually. Call of Duty, specifically."

Morgan's eyes lit up at the mention of his very favorite shooter. "Oh, this I can do. What's the problem?"

Sarah bit her bottom lip on the side and Morgan nearly had a stroke. "See, the thing is, I tried playing with Chuck last night. And he's good. Really good." This was met with a vigorous nod from Morgan. "And, I want to learn to how play."

Morgan smiled. "Ohh, I get it. You wanna surprise him so you can play with him, that's so sweet."

Sarah considered it and nodded her head. "Yeah, that's it. Anything for Chuck." Realistically, she just didn't like being beaten that badly at anything and had sworn revenge on him. But, hey, she let Morgan think what he wanted to.

The two got right into it, playing for a solid two hours. Under Morgan's expert tutelage, she was getting the hang of putting virtual bullets into digital skulls. Meanwhile, Morgan was very much enjoying himself too.

Some girls just had this way about them that drew Morgan in. They made him feel like he was the only guy that mattered. Sarah did that, sort of, but mostly, she was just really, really hot. So he didn't mind showing her the ropes. For Chuck's sake, of course.

Of course, along with the art of frag grenade placement, Morgan had taught her the careful ways of the trash-talking troll. About four hours in, and it was almost midnight, but Sarah threatened to wake the neighbors with her screaming at HnyBdgr461.

"_Your mother_ is a dirty auti-"

"Sarah! Sarah, uhh," Morgan said, trying to interject. He just drew a fierce glare. "Hey, uhh, I think we've made a lot of progress tonight, maybe you'd want to…"

He was cut off by a frustrated sigh. She had learned remarkably quickly, but it seemed that the better she got, the more competitive she got. Chuck was gonna have a run for his money.

For what it was worth, Sarah was kind of having fun. She didn't particularly enjoy killing people in real life, but this was a blast. Unfortunately, she was being introduced to a less-intelligent side of humanity than she had ever known existed: Noobs.

It was around 2 am when a door slammed, not that they had noticed. Within moments, Chuck opened up his bedroom door and took in the sight before him: a few mountain dew cans scattered the floor, a bag of chips lie open on his bed, and Morgan and Sarah were glued to a tv screen while a war raged in his Xbox. Sarah's hair was back in a ponytail, her eyes set in fierce determination, her mouth carved in a scowl. She occasionally yelled a profanity and let out an uncouth burp at some point. But to Chuck, it was the same kind of wonderment he felt when he watched Bladerunner for the first time: pure and unadultered beauty.

And, well, Morgan was Morgan.

When the game was over, Morgan swiveled in his chair and noticed Chuck's presence in the doorway. For some reason he couldn't place, he suddenly grew nervous. "Chuck! You're home early! We weren't doing anything I was just teaching her how to play Call of Duty how was your vacation?"

Chuck smiled and shook his head. "Morgan, what did I tell you about breathing?" Morgan let out a breath he didn't know what he was holding. "I had fun, but Ellie felt icky so we came home early. So, Call of Duty?"

Sarah, realizing this was directed at her, smiled. "Yeah, Morgan taught me all the tricks. I can't wait to play with you." Her smile seemed not to reach her eyes. Her eyes were busy sizing him up. He knew that look; he often saw it before she threw a knife into people.

Morgan jumped in here, nerves cooling slightly. "Yeah, dude, she's a natural. I turned this little lady into a killing machine." Chuck and Sarah shared a smirk at the irony.

"Oh did you now? Well, I'll have to test that out myself sometime." He was mildly worried by her competitive streak, but he was still the king. And it was nice coming home to Sarah. He could get used to this. That is, he could if their relationship was real, and all. "Uhh, Morgan, me and Sarah… uhh, would you mind?"

Morgan smiled at the two, happy about the lasting bond he had just helped form. After all, couples who flanked together, stayed together. He stood and bid his goodnights before escaping out through his Morgan door. It wasn't necessary, but it was so damn fun.

Sarah put the controller down and turned off the system for the first time in hours. Chuck sat next to her on the bed and grabbed a few chips after his long drive. Sarah smiled her sweet/threatening smile at him again. "We should play soon. It'll help our cover, doing stuff like this."

Chuck laughed. He didn't know her well, but her moments of complete transparency weren't lost on him. "Bull. I know you wanted to do this just so you could beat me."

Sarah laughed and pushed his shoulder. "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't." She considered it for a moment before saying, "You're picking up on my tendencies pretty quickly. That brain was good for more than just computer fixing and image storage, apparently," she finished, with a wink and a ruffle of his hair.

He laughed and said, "Hey, I'm good for plenty. Like, uhh, Call of Duty." They both laughed at that. Sarah sighed and stood to rise. She didn't really want to go, but had no real "cover" reason to stay, and Casey was watching.

Casey was always watching.

"Well, I'm going to get going. Work in the morning, and all. Good night, Chuck," she said with a half smile. She rubbed her hand over his arm and winced. Chuck was concerned.

"Is everything alright?" he took a look at her hand and the fingertips looked red, swollen, and generally unpleasant.

She winced again when she saw them. "Oh, hah. That must've happened when I was playing, I didn't even notice."

Chuck nodded and moved towards his bathroom, grabbing topical ointment and finger tape. "Happens a lot to me, after long sessions. Just a little bit of chafing. Should be fine when you wake up. Try not to play this for over five hours at a time, or run into any terrorists you need to strangle on your way home."

She laughed a bit at this, but her laugh caught in her throat in a moment. His fingers brushed against hers, and she saw his smile, and the cool Neosporin settled on her fingers, and god, his smile— it all just took her breath away. She felt a moment hanging over them, and wonder if he felt it too.

And while Chuck Bartowski had spent the better part of over two decades living as obliviously as you can without actually _being_ Jeff and Lester, he noticed something as he wrapped the tape around her pointer finger. It wasn't so much a spark as it was a look in her eyes, a rare one. He spent a lot of time watching her, and he really had no idea what it meant. He didn't have the perceptive gifts of Ellie and Roan Montgomery and Carina Miller, and he didn't know it was admiration or something more, he just knew he liked it. A lot.

Nothing came of it, that night. Or for many nights to come, really. They bid goodbyes moments later, Sarah leaving flustered and Chuck staying behind, placid, pleased, but unsure. Sarah's mind raced as she got in her car, fingertips burning slightly as she gripped the wheel too tight for her drive home. But that wasn't the only warmth she felt in her fingertips, and that wasn't the only place she felt the warmth.

As for Chuck, well, he'd admit, his mind was good for more than just computer fixing and image remembering and Sarah Walker decoding. But that photographic memory came through for him. He could vividly see Sarah, focused on sending HnyBdgr461 straight into virtual hell, and comparing that determination to the soft look in her dark blues when he dabbed gel on her fingers, and, well, he realized then how in over his head he was with this woman. And that was just her eyes. God, her eyes did so much for her; she could light up like sunshine or she could be a hurricane, but that soft look was a little like 'partly cloudy with a gentle breeze'.

And in a life that felt like it had been hit by a tornado the last couple of weeks, well, he could go for a gentle breeze.


End file.
